Most of us want to be loved, protected, appreciated, taken care of and happy in a relationship. We want our potential mate to be in good financial standing, love his mother, take care of his children and have some kind of relationship with a higher power. We want him to be funny, generous, a gentleman and kind. We want him to be motivated, have good communication skills, be respectful and accept you for who you are. But ladies I have to ask.......are we bringing these same requests and qualities to the table?
I've listened to countless women speak on what they want in a man; "he has to have this, that, and ABC and D". Prior to me being married I'm sure I've said the same things but if we're really honest with ourselves we'll have to admit that some of us are not ready or prepared to be in a healthy, long lasting relationship that should ultimately lead to marriage.
Have we cleansed ourselves of the emotional baggage that lingers in our heart for a past lover? Are we financially stable to the point where we're not bringing unwanted debt to the relationship? Is your attitude prepared to compromise and not be about I but US? These are just some of the things that have to be looked at prior to entering a relationship.
Why do we as women feel as if we are the only ones that are allowed to have standards.....we are the only ones that can have a list that we can check off once he meets the criteria? Before we even think about entering into a relationship that we want to eventually lead up to marriage, we need to have our own personal checklist. Below is a short list that I believe needs to be worked through before we can even think about joining together with a potential mate.
1. Past Hurts
There are so many issues that we need to work through regarding past hurts and pains that was inflicted on us in relationships long gone. Whether it was his fault or yours, we cannot bring that unhealthy baggage in the new relationship and expect it to grow and flourish into something beautiful. When we don't deal with these issues we oftentimes project those issues on or mate which in turn causes resentment and ultimately drives a wedge between you and him. Work through those issues and come into the new relationship with a fresh set of eyes and a clear heart ready to experience love and joy that a new relationship can bring.
2. Finances
I recall when my husband and I first got together I had a Jeep Cherokee, I loved that truck and thought it was everything. I needed to get some work done on it so my husband agreed to pay for it. Once the mechanic got to work on it he told my husband that the truck was garbage. We decided to scrap the truck and get me a new car, we get to the car lot and I had bad credit. At the time I didn't know that having NO credit was just as bad as having bad credit. I say that to say make sure that you have your finances in order. If you want your potential mate to be in good financial standing, you should be as well. You can't start building together if you have to repair first, it's not fair to either of you.
3. Attitude
When you're single it's all about you. You don't have to think about anyone but yourself, when you're ready to go you go. When it's time to eat you only have to cook for one or pick something up. When you want to spend you don't have to ask anyone else if you can or not or if all the bills are taken care of. Know that it will be about US and not just YOU. You have to start to consider someone else's feelings, wants and needs going forward.
4. Character
As a woman, you may have taken the time to create a list of characteristics that you want in a partner or significant other. In the same way, it is important that as a single person, you work hard to develop your character so that you are good match for the kind of person you desire. Reading books, taking personal development classes, setting personal goals and achieving them; all of these are things that grow your character as a person. For example, if you desire a partner that is honest, honesty is something that you also have to bring to the table. In the same way, if you desire a partner that has integrity, you too have to be a woman of your word and say what you mean and mean what you say. Character is who you are when no one else is watching and when entering a relationship it is the most important intangible thing that you bring.
In closing, make sure you are the kind of woman that you would want in a man.
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