When You're Feeling Down

P.S.

I'm having one of those days

Giving Your All

Women are known to be nurturers and caregivers, so it's not surprising that at the end of a long day she is exhausted from tending to everyone but herself. As women, we focus so much on the happiness of those around us that we completely neglect our own.

As women we are taught, if not expected, to nurture and please everyone around us. We pour our energy into other people, focusing on their needs and wants while ignoring our own. Sometimes this feels good, often natural. Most of the time it's exhausting, but for many or most of us, it's a way of life.

In most societies women were raised to take care of the men in their family. Because men were the primary bread winner in the family, we were taught to make sure that the home was a safe-haven for them. We were taught to make sure that the home was clean and dinner was on the table when he returned home from a hard day's work. And that wasn't necessarily an unacceptable request, but as times change and women now are also equal breadwinners if not the primary one. Women are still in the same role with added responsibilities which keep them drained and on E at the end of the day.

With women now working outside the home, there is often no help with the responsibilities in the home. We are still the primary caregivers when it comes to our children although there are about 2 million fathers that stay at home per the Pew Research Centers. Mothers still bare the responsibility of making sure that the home is in order and organized.  We're making doctors appointments, calling about household repairs and making sure that everything runs smoothly for the kids and husband. We are not making sure that WE are running smoothly. Our health is neglected, we're not eating properly, we're not sleeping and due to our poor eating habits, we are out of shape. How are we functioning?

We're that best friend that will listen to your problems and offer solutions only to not get the same in return. We are in the church, our kids schools and making sure that hubby or the boss has all information needed for a successful presentation; all the while we are on empty. We're that chick that looks good on the outside, like we have it all together but is really falling to pieces on the inside. But this is what we're used to, making sure that all is well for everyone else. Deep inside you are drained, your body aches and your head is swirling because you have manage to make it about everyone else but you.

That stops NOW!

You can't pour from an empty cup. You have to take care of YOURSELF first.

It's time to take care of yourself so you can give the best of you to the ones you love. It's time to love on yourself; speak life, love, passion and success into you. It's time to take a mental health day just to think. Its time to draw a bubble bath, grab a book a glass of wine, put on some smooth jazz and woosa.

It's time to surround yourself with positive people that pour into your life without leaving you depleted. We have to make our love ones understand that we need to be taken care of and appreciated too. We need that downtime or day off every so often to catch our breaths and not get overwhelmed from the day to day responsibilities.

We have to take care and be responsible for US!

Are You What You Want In a Relationship?

Most of us want to be loved, protected, appreciated, taken care of and happy in a relationship. We want our potential mate to be in good financial standing, love his mother, take care of his children and have some kind of relationship with a higher power. We want him to be funny, generous, a gentleman and kind. We want him to be motivated, have good communication skills, be respectful and accept you for who you are. But ladies I have to ask.......are we bringing these same requests and qualities to the table? 

I've listened to countless women speak on what they want in a man; "he has to have this, that, and ABC and D". Prior to me being married I'm sure I've said the same things but if we're really honest with ourselves we'll have to admit that some of us are not ready or prepared to be in a healthy, long lasting relationship that should ultimately lead to marriage. 

Have we cleansed ourselves of the emotional baggage that lingers in our heart for a past lover? Are we financially stable to the point where we're not bringing unwanted debt to the relationship? Is your attitude prepared to compromise and not be about I but US? These are just some of the things that have to be looked at prior to entering a relationship. 

Why do we as women feel as if we are the only ones that are allowed to have standards.....we are the only ones that can have a list that we can check off once he meets the criteria? Before we even think about entering into a relationship that we want to eventually lead up to marriage, we need to have our own personal checklist. Below is a short list that I believe needs to be worked through before we can even think about joining together with a potential mate.

1. Past Hurts

There are so many issues that we need to work through regarding past hurts and pains that was inflicted on us in relationships long gone. Whether it was his fault or yours, we cannot bring that unhealthy baggage in the new relationship and expect it to grow and flourish into something beautiful. When we don't deal with these issues we oftentimes project those issues on or mate which in turn causes resentment and ultimately drives a wedge between you and him. Work through those issues and come into the new relationship with a fresh set of eyes and a clear heart ready to experience love and joy that a new relationship can bring.

2. Finances

I recall when my husband and I first got together I had a Jeep Cherokee, I loved that truck and thought it was everything. I needed to get some work done on it so my husband agreed to pay for it. Once the mechanic got to work on it he told my husband that the truck was garbage. We decided to scrap the truck and get me a new car, we get to the car lot and I had bad credit. At the time I didn't know that having NO credit was just as bad as having bad credit.  I say that to say make sure that you have your finances in order. If you want your potential mate to be in good financial standing, you should be as well. You can't start building together if you have to repair first, it's not fair to either of you.

3. Attitude

When you're single it's all about you. You don't have to think about anyone but yourself, when you're ready to go you go. When it's time to eat you only have to cook for one or pick something up. When you want to spend you don't have to ask anyone else if you can or not or if all the bills are taken care of. Know that it will be about US and not just YOU. You have to start to consider someone else's feelings, wants and needs going forward. 

4. Character

As a woman, you may have taken the time to create a list of characteristics that you want in a partner or significant other. In the same way, it is important that as a single person, you work hard to develop your character so that you are good match for the kind of person you desire. Reading books, taking personal development classes, setting personal goals and achieving them; all of these are things that grow your character as a person. For example, if you desire a partner that is honest, honesty is something that you also have to bring to the table. In the same way, if you desire a partner that has integrity, you too have to be a woman of your word and say what you mean and mean what you say. Character is who you are when no one else is watching and when entering a relationship it is the most important intangible thing that you bring. 

In closing, make sure you are the kind of woman that you would want in a man.

Servanthood

What is a SERVANT? What is the definition of a SERVANT?

Merriam Webster defines Servant as: One that serves others.

The good book defines a servant as Mark 10:45 "For even the son of man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

It is such a beautiful feeling when you can go out and serve others. I myself find it rewarding and fulfilling when I know that I have touched someone's life in a way that made a positive difference for them. To serve others in love means that you do a good deed that involves helping others. While helping others you do it with the thought of kindness, sincerity and with the goal of brightening someone else's day.

One of my goals and prayers daily is to be a servant to someone in need, whether that be with my words, my deeds or just being supportive to my fellow man. I believe as leaders in our community we have an obligation to the people that look up to us to be an example of what true leadership means. True leadership is servanthood. Servanthood is an attitude exemplified by Christ. Living is giving; all else is selfishness and boredom.

There is so much that can be said about being a servant, but I will leave you with a scripture that speaks to how we should operate in the wonderful gift we have been blessed with. 1 Peter 4:10

"As each has received a gift, use it to SERVE one another as good stewards of God's varied grace."