What Does Self-Love Look Like?

What does self-love look like to you? Self-Love is defined as regard for one's own well being and happiness.

Does self-love look like dressing up in the most expensive name brand clothes, keeping your hair and nails done? Does it look like an independent woman investing in herself through education and moving up the ladder on her job....enjoying a thriving career? Or does self-love look like a woman that is spiritually connected to a higher being? She goes to church every Sunday, she sings in the choir and she may even be on the usher board. Self-love may even look like a woman that is adored by many, they may think she has it altogether, envying her every move.

Self-Love can be all of those things.....or neither of them. When we discuss self-love, we talk about loving yourself, inside and out, flaws and all. You accept the person you are, but you never stop improving. Despite mistakes, challenges, hurts and pains you realize that you have to love yourself through it all. You understand that you will not tolerate mistreatment from others. You realize that you can't be everything to everyone, you also understand that if you want the life of success you must work hard for it. Persevering through the muddy waters with your head held high and not giving up when the going gets tough. You also come to the realization that you have to surround yourself with positive energy. People that will have your back, uplift and empower you, friends that you can be transparent with and will hold you accountable. You want to be able to be yourself around these people......you know, be your authentic self.

You also want to have a loving, honest and real intimate relationship. We all know that we teach others how to treat us, so we have to be in a place where we draw those types of people into our lives. We have to be confident enough to know that we deserve to be treated like a QUEEN, and nothing less.

The only way to come to the realization that Self-Love is POWER! Is dealing with the past hurts and pains that have beaten up our self-esteem and self-worth. The issues and situations that has us thinking that we aren't worth the love and affection that we crave from others. That we're not worth the accolades and success that we long for and seek out.....whether on the job, in relationships (intimate and otherwise), or going after your goals. At the end of the day, we have to deal with our challenges and the issues that keep us stagnate. We have to realize that all of the storms that we've been through were there to test our character and build our strength for the next stage in our lives.

So ladies, make sure that your well being and happiness comes first. Make sure that you're taking care of yourself Mind, Body and Soul because remember.......you can't pour from an empty cup.

#selfloveispower
#personaldevelopment
sonyacookethementor.com

Personal Development

I recall when I wanted to pursue the area of Personal Development. I had some introspective moments where I thought back over all the things that I had been through, and how bless I've been to survive it all and still be in my right mind. From my childhood, through my teens years and then early adulthood, until now.......the woman I am today. I have truly persevered, despite the obstacles, challenges and mistakes. I always knew that I wanted to be more than what society tells you you are when you make mistakes of the magnitude that I did. So, in my late 20's I decided to start working on me, you know really making an effort. No matter how small the steps or minute the accomplishment; I knew it was time to take responsibility for myself and my actions if I wanted to be the person I knew I was destine to be.

See, when we talk about Personal Development we talk about personal growth, increasing our value to oneself and the community, taking responsibility for our decisions in life. We seek out our true purpose and work on the relationships that are dear to us. There are so many other components to personal development, but the KEY factor is you want to be a better you than before. 

 Personal Development can sometimes be done on your own by doing some introspective thinking and really reviewing your past, what your struggles and obstacles have been, where you are in life now and what your true purpose is. Some need help in this area by getting a mentor or seeing a certified professional coach. A person who can guide you and asked all the right questions to really get you thinking about your path in life. I personally believe that we all have had moments in our lives, regardless how successful we are, where we had to do some Personal Development. 

Personal Development doesn't mean a deficiency in your self-worth, it just means that there's some areas in your life you want to improve. Recognizing that comes with maturity and wanting to be the best you possible. So, I started on my journey towards Personal Development. I started reading more, books that could increase my vocabulary, books that would get my imaginations going. You see I had to change my mindset if I was truly going to change my life. I changed my circle of associates and friends, now all this didn't happen immediately. You see, I prayed and asked God to take people out of my life that wasn't meant to go on the journey that he had for me and to bring people into my life that could assist, empower and inspire me to get to the next level in my life. People that I could be authentic and transparent with......that would hold me accountable. I wanted and needed that positive energy around me.

That started my journey to where I am now, married almost 14 years, two adult children that are doing well and a life that I knew I would have one day. Never giving up on where I knew I could be in life, happy and self-assured more than ever. Determined not to settle for mediocrity, but wanting the best out of life for me, so that I can give the best of me to my purpose, my children, loved ones and the women that I serve in my community. This is where Personal Development has gotten me.

If there are areas in your life that you want to improve, and you feel as if you can't do it on your own. Reach out to a mentor or a professional coach in your community, someone that you can trust that will help guide you and get you on the path towards living your best life.

#sonyacookementor
#personaldevelopment
sonyacookethementor.com

We are responsible for US and US alone

Disclaimer: these words, thoughts and opinions are mine and mine alone.

So......I read an article on yesterday about a young woman who went on a date with actor comedian Aziz Ansari and by her accounts the date was "not fun for her and he made her feel uncomfortable".

Now let me give you a summary of their date to give you some perspective. She met Ansari at a party and was excited to meet him, she went up to him said hi....he was disinterested. She persisted and pointed out that they had the same unique camera. The talked, flirted throughout the night even though she was there with another date. They exchanged numbers before leaving and when he got back to NY he contacted her for a date. Fast forward to date night, she goes to his place in Tribeca and the leave from there to a nice seafood restaurant. They order dinner and a bottle of wine, per her words she felt that he was rushing through dinner to the point of asking the waiter for the check when she still had food on her plate and wine in her glass and the bottle. They walk back to his place and the semi sexual encounter begins. She comments on his counter tops, he ask her to hop up on it, he starts to kiss her and she kisses him back. He undresses himself and her and although she states she feels uncomfortable they continue. He then starts to give her oral sex, he ask for a BJ in return, she obliges. He voices that he's going to get a condom......she responds "Whoa, let's relax for a sec, let's chill". They continue to kiss, he puts his fingers in her mouth and ask her how and where does she want to be fucked, she let's him know that she feels uncomfortable. He backs away, they relax on the couch, the touching continues, he wants sex and alludes to it. She continues to resist with nonverbal ques as she states, he's never forceful or threatening. This went on for another 30 minutes until she decides she's had enough and goes on to tell him that you guys are all the fucking same. He calls her an Uber and she goes home
She decides to contact a few of her friends and tell them about the horrible date she just had and how all he wanted to do was get her drunk and have sex; she was disappointed.
She states her friends help her grapple with the aftermath of her night with Ansari. She says "it took a really long time for me to validate this as sexual assault. She says she was debating if this just an awkward sexual experience or sexual assault. She states that why she spoke with so many of her friends to get validation of her experience.

Now.....for my honest and humble opinion.

As I stated in the title of this story, we women are responsible for us and our actions. Outside of someone having a weapon to our head or bodies or being threatened, we have the right and should leave the situation when we no longer feel comfortable. It doesn't matter how much we like a person or how nice of a person we perceived him to be. When we no longer are having fun or feel like we're in a position of being pressured, it's time to go. We are not timid voiceless beings void of strength to the point we can't stand up for ourselves and let our voices be heard. We have the POWER until we chose to give it away by not speaking up. Just like we tell and ask the opposite sex to be and take responsibility for their actions. We have to do the same, no matter what the situation and I'm not talking about how we dress because there is NEVER a time where what you wear is an invitation for assault or rape. But we do have to be aware of our surroundings, our actions and how we respond to the situations we're in.

I feel that I can speak on this topic because I WAS a victim of rape and sexual assault as a child. I had no power, but what I did have was my voice and I knew that what was happening to me was wrong and I immediately told an adult.

These are my words and my opinions. Please share your thoughts and opinions, and although we may or may not agree I respect everyone's point of view.

#sonyacookementor

Here is the link to the original story: https://babe.net/2018/01/13/aziz-ansari-28355