Stay Focused

In your pursuit towards Personal Development you have to continue to remind yourself to stay focused and not get sidetracked by the distractions that try to get in the way of reaching your goals and success.

In our day to day lives we have projects that we complete daily to get us to our end goal. Most days we can never go without a distraction that pulls us away from our planned assignment. Whether it's the kids needing care, or a spouse/significant other needing your attention......interruptions will always be around the corner. That will happen from time to time and it's ok.
One thing we have to remember is that in life we will always have things and situations that will try and take our mind off what's important. With social media, phone calls that interrupt, a family emergency or a last minute deadline that you forgot about on your job; interruptions are the norm

We have to make sure that our goals are priority number one. We also cannot let these distractions get us down and mess with our confidence in terms of getting fed up and quitting. Just know that there will always be obstacles and challenges that get in your way.

Make sure that you don't allow them to stand in the way of progress. Remember STAY FOCUSED!

Reflection

As a human being, daughter, mother, wife and mentor I am a flawed person.........but my heart is pure. I've made mistakes in my life, some were of my own doing, others were not; but at the end of the day my heart has remained pure. I've made decisions that didn't have favorable outcomes but I've also made decisions that have made me proud. I have a few regrets but for the most part I believe all of my life experiences have made me the woman I am today.

I love people, helping and wanting the best for everyone. I am thankful for the servants spirit that I've been blessed with and my goal in life is to continue to contribute to the success and personal development of girls and women. I may not get it right all of the time, but with the love and support of true friends and family I know that my best will always prevail.

I want to continue to be the best wife, mother, daughter and friend that I can possibly be. And if I fall short please remind me in love vs. malicious criticism.

Personal reflection and introspective thinking will always make you a better person if you are willing to do the work. I have found that at times the work seemed a bit overwhelming, but if I wanted to excel in my personal life as well as my professional life I had to stop making excuses, own up to my failed decisions, embrace the successes, learn from both and make changes where needed.

It has been an eye opening process, but one well worth the tears, laughter, pain and triumphs. I am a better person for it all and will continue on the road of improvement and personal development.

Just my thoughts.

What has your personal reflection revealed about you?

The Truth vs. Our Reality

It's amazing how we don't accept the things that are put before us as truth in order to teach us something. I've recently been involved in a conversation where a person clearly showed everyone who they really were, but because her behavior had not shone itself before, it was a shock to everyone and they just can't accept it.  Mya Angelou once said "When people show you who they are, believe them".

Why do we find it so hard to accept people for who they really are? Whether it be a husband/significant other, a friend, or a co-worker. We would rather hang on to the false reality that the person we know is the genuine person that we see and talk to daily, as if they have it all together.  For instance, the young man that lives next door. Everyone always says he was so quiet, always kept to himself and never bothering anyone. But then you hear about him causing mayhem at the school or the movie theater or even against someone. You'll hear neighbors, friends and even teachers say that they never would have thought he would do something like this or that. He was a really nice person.

Or how about the husband/significant other; to everyone on the outside he is loving, caring, polite to you (in public) and everyone else. He loves his mother, sisters and all other female family members; he takes care of you financially and you want for nothing........except peace in your home. He has lead everyone to believe he is the perfect partner but behind closed doors he's a menace, being verbally and sometimes physically abusive.

Or in the case of the above conversation that I was having via social media. This instructor was well liked by it seems many, she was very helpful, a good instructor by many accounts. But this instructor lost her cool over a difference of opinion so to speak. This instructor lost her cool regarding a student to the point she allowed herself to be fired from the University and caught an assault case against said student. There were a few terms being thrown around to describe her character, going off of her behavior and actions; by all accounts the terms are spot on. For some reason others continued to make excuses for her behavior and not accept her for who she is.

The instructor showed her true character, why is it that some choose to not accept it? What attachment, emotional or otherwise, do we hold with people as to why we don't want to believe a person for who they really are. Is it that we've formed our own opinion and ideas about them and those formed ideas make us comfortable. Or is it the image that we've formed in our minds, then once their true character shines through our judge of character is flawed by our misjudgment?

Oprah amended the saying stating "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the FIRST time".

Whatever the case, at the end of the day we have to accept the true reality of a person and live with it.

Work/Task Overload

Work/Task overload can be damaging to us as it causes stress and a lot of pressure, due to the fact that it reduces our recovery time between workdays.

Here recently I've found myself in this very position. Multitasking.......trying to juggle the very tasks that are important to me, all while burning the candle at both ends getting worn out. At times it is important to ask ourselves whether we are managing our time as efficient as possible and if we are able to improve our productivity. Here are a few ways that multitasking is killing our mojo.

Multitasking is killing our brain
While trying to work, we often find ourselves doing 2-3 tasks at the same time. We're asking our brain to split its attention and it can't do that. Our brains are not capable of focusing successfully on multiple tasks at once. We think they are but what's happening is your brain is jumping back and forth between tasks, focusing briefly on one thing at a time. And not only can our brains not make it happen, but they get damaged when we try to force them.

Constant interruption brings on higher levels of stress. It's intellectual overload, and it dulls our brain and our reaction times. According to a study at the University of Sussex, constant multitasking is actually harmful to your brain. They found out that people who regularly multitask have lower brain density in the area of their brain responsible for empathy, cognitive control and emotional control.

The good news is that you can fix that damage, the study found that if you take up activities that require concentration or make changes to the things distracting you can reverse the damage. Work on one thing at a time, in a place where you can concentrate.

So NO, don't multitask. Don't damage your brain because that's going to have an effect on your writing, the quality of your work, as well as how you manage with the rest of your task.

Multitasking makes you less productive
According to Dr. Susan Weinschenk, the appropriate word is task-switching. She states that it takes more time to switch tasks then to stick with them until you finish. We think because we're good at switching from one task to the next that that makes us good at multitasking, NO. It actually makes us less creative. Studies have found that multitasking reduces your productivity by 40%....that means your brain is only operating at 60%. We're wasting intelligence.

So if you're convince that multitasking makes you super-productive than your super-wrong. It just means that you backtrack a lot because every time you switch tasks, you have to repeat a bit to find out where you last left off.

Multitasking lowers the quality of your work
When you multitask, your work suffers TERRIBLY!
A study done by the National Bureau of Economic Research discovered that multitasking reduces workers performance, makes project last longer, and creates that panic buildup because your to-do-list isn't getting done.

Peter Bregman wrote about his experience with multitasking in the Harvard Business Review. While sitting in on a conference call, Bregman decided to not waste time and email a client. He sent the email but realized that he forgot the attachment, he then sent another email apologizing and added the attachment to the email. He then had to send another email to the same person apologizing because the attachment he sent was wrong (he was doing too much). He proceeded to send the correct attachment. Now all while he was sending out emails and the wrong attachments, the conference call attendees were waiting on him to answer a question, specifically, the Chair of the Board.

I have realized, matter of fact we all should realize that we are not being productive trying to do more than one thing at a time, actually it's just the opposite. We are not operating at our full potential thus why the quality of our work is sub-par.

Regardless of what we are trying to accomplish, we need to be mindful that we can only achieve one assignment at a time successfully. When we give our all to one task at a time, it yields all of the hard work and effort that we gave it. So don't burn yourself out trying to do too many things at one time........you'll find yourself too tired and failing at them all.

Just Breath

Sometimes you just have to let your hair down and breathe.
This year has been an amazing year for me Girl Talk has been going really well, as well as Sonya Cooke the Mentor and my public speaking has picked up. I've taken Girl Talk into three IPS schools and I've completed two speaking engagements; I also registered to receive my associates degree in Human Services at Indiana Wesleyan University, which will assist me and add value to my coaching business. Talk about a busy schedule.......at times it has been a bit overwhelming but I am learning that you have to take a deep breath, let your hair down and enjoy the moment and all the accomplishments that you've been making.

As you know life can throw you all kinds of curve balls, but as long as you're prepared, optimistic and consistent in going after what you believe you deserved. Nothing can stop you or keep you from achieving your goals.
In spite of everything that's going on around the world and in our community you have to make sure that you don't let those situation and things get you down and allow you to lose focus from your dream.
Make sure you remain encouraged, stay positive and always speak life into all of your circumstances that surround you.  And remember there will always be things and situations that try to keep you from achieving your goal. Pay it no mind, keep your head held high, your shoulder back and a smile on your face that says to the world......I Got This!

Issues Affecting Teen Girls

There are 10 common issues that affect teen girls everyday lives, they are:

• Appearance
• Education
• Dating/Sex
• Self Esteem
• Peer Pressure
• Bullying
• Friendship
• Drug and Alcohol use
• Depression
• Menstruation

In today’s Blog I’ll address a few of these issues that I feel are taking center stage in the lives of our teen girls.

Young girls today are under immense pressure to be ALL THAT. To be the prettiest, to have all the boys liking them, to have the longest hair, the best body and getting the most likes on social media. Between social media, reality shows and images they see of models in magazines no wonder they have issues navigating through their teenage years. Listed above are 10 common issues that teen girls face, I will speak on a few of them that I deem super important.

Appearance has a huge impact on how teen girls look at themselves. They see their favorite pop artist or reality TV star and they want to look just like them. From the long hair (often times it’s weave or wigs), big butts, tight fitting clothes, too much makeup and don’t forget the fake eyelashes. They feel they have to look like them in order to be popular or be liked by boys. This plays a huge role in their

Self-Esteem which can be damaged trying to live up to this standard or it could help them explore and try different looks that will help shape their outer image. Now don’t get me wrong, wearing weave and makeup and wanting to look your best is absolutely fine, it’s when too much emphasis is put on this area and it affects other areas in her life negatively i.e unwanted attention by the opposite sex, focus taken off grades and her future as well as friends.

Dating/Sex is another common issue that young teens face. At this crucial stage in their life their hormones are raging and they are coming into their womanhood. Boys that once got on their nerves are now growing up to be somewhat attractive to them. They also look at their favorite teen celebrities like Kylie Jenner and Selena Gomez and see that they are dating and dating older men and they feel as if they can do it as well. At this stage in their lives parents like me would rather our teen girls concentrate on their education, building solid friendships and looking forward to their future; but Peer Pressure will have them emulating their friends and what they see on TV and in the magazines/tabloids. That’s why it is important that teens build solid healthy Friendships during this time, because peer pressure is so serious you want to make sure that your teen is hanging around girls that are respectful to their parent and themselves. Girls interested in getting good grades and participating in after school activities as well as activities outside of school to keep the busy and not focused on the wrong things.

Where dating gets scary for teens is that there is a rise in teen dating domestic violence which can lead to Depression, Drug and Alcohol abuse and teen pregnancy. Here are just a few important facts:

• Roughly 1.5 million high school boys and girls in the U.S. admit to being intentionally hit or physically harmed in the last year by someone they are romantically involved with (Dating Abuse Statistics." www.loveisrespect.org).
• 1 in 3 young people will be in an abusive or unhealthy relationship (Liz Claiborne Inc. and The Family Fund. “Teen Dating Abuse 2009 Key Topline Findings.” http://nomore.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/teen_dating_abuse).
• In the U.S., 25% of high school girls have been abused physically or sexually. Teen girls who are abused this way are 6 times more likely to become pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted infection (STI) (Decker M, Silverman J, Raj A. 2005. Dating Violence and Sexually Transmitted Disease/HIV Testing and Diagnosis Among Adolescent Females. Pediatrics. 116: 272-276).
• Teens who suffer dating abuse are subject to long-term consequences like alcoholism, eating disorders, promiscuity, thoughts of suicide, and violent behavior (USA.gov. "Teen Dating Violence." Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Accessed April 22, 2014)

These are all scary stats and facts that our teen girls are facing while trying to find their way through their teen years. In facing these issues our girls will need healthy relationships with other girls, with female family members and mentors that can guide them through as well as be there when advice is needed. We will need to be there not to judge their actions but to help them make good decisions that will affect the rest of their lives.

We have to let them know that they are beautiful without the superficial additives that society says is needed to be popular, successful and loved. That they are beautiful just the way God made them, that their outer beauty is nice but inner beauty, morals and character are just as important if not more. We have to teach them that they have to love themselves first, that they have to be a priority to themselves before they can be loved and respected by anyone else.

Lastly they need to know that the only opinion that matters is theirs because at the end of the day they have to look in the mirror and be happy with the person they see.

Sincerely, from a woman that suffered from most of these issues.

Can I Be Real

It all starts in the mind. Life and death are in the power of the tongue. Hard work and perseverance will garner success. Faith without works is dead.

We've all heard these sayings and mantras, and they're true when put in motion......but can I be real with you? IT'S HARD! But, it's so worth it. You have thoughts and ideas, dreams and passions and you want so much to be a success. Not for selfish reasons but for reasons that you want to see everyone whole and happy. Living life and enjoying it, challenges and bumps in the road but with prayer, faith and optimism, everything works out.

Your passion is what keeps you going, the love and support that surrounds you but yet somewhat pessimistic......or let's say a play it safe covering. But yet puts it in your hands in hopes of a smooth settlement in the future.

Everyone won't understand and it's not for them to. As long as the end game is beneficial for the home and the community, sit back and support and don't get in the way of progress. We all have something to contribute, no one has the monopoly on a strong community but us. You know who I'm talking about.......why can't we get it together, the potential is there so I don't know what the problem is. Why can't the shine be on the end result, forget who orchestrated it. We did it as a collective, we worked together for a common cause that would benefit us all. Isn't that all that matters?

I don't know.....I'm starting to wonder if we really want it.....or is it just lip service, does it look good to act like we care vs really caring. Is it that hard to work for a common cause that benefits us all? If so why? Does there need to be an appointed leader? We have a few worthy candidates on paper.....but is the heart right? That's what truly matters.

We are intelligent, charismatic, loving, jazzy, creative, inventive, knowledgeable and so many more positive attributes. I often wonder why you have to be apart of a click, organization, have 10 initials behind your name........it shouldn't matter. Change will come from the least expected, don't block the blessing.

We may not be intimately connected but we are connected by experience, understanding, passion and love of our people.

God, Mohammad or Budda will be the judge of our deeds......not man.

My honest words, written my way.

Sonya Cooke
Life Strategist and Mentor
sonyacookethementor.com