Work/Task Overload

Work/Task overload can be damaging to us as it causes stress and a lot of pressure, due to the fact that it reduces our recovery time between workdays.

Here recently I've found myself in this very position. Multitasking.......trying to juggle the very tasks that are important to me, all while burning the candle at both ends getting worn out. At times it is important to ask ourselves whether we are managing our time as efficient as possible and if we are able to improve our productivity. Here are a few ways that multitasking is killing our mojo.

Multitasking is killing our brain
While trying to work, we often find ourselves doing 2-3 tasks at the same time. We're asking our brain to split its attention and it can't do that. Our brains are not capable of focusing successfully on multiple tasks at once. We think they are but what's happening is your brain is jumping back and forth between tasks, focusing briefly on one thing at a time. And not only can our brains not make it happen, but they get damaged when we try to force them.

Constant interruption brings on higher levels of stress. It's intellectual overload, and it dulls our brain and our reaction times. According to a study at the University of Sussex, constant multitasking is actually harmful to your brain. They found out that people who regularly multitask have lower brain density in the area of their brain responsible for empathy, cognitive control and emotional control.

The good news is that you can fix that damage, the study found that if you take up activities that require concentration or make changes to the things distracting you can reverse the damage. Work on one thing at a time, in a place where you can concentrate.

So NO, don't multitask. Don't damage your brain because that's going to have an effect on your writing, the quality of your work, as well as how you manage with the rest of your task.

Multitasking makes you less productive
According to Dr. Susan Weinschenk, the appropriate word is task-switching. She states that it takes more time to switch tasks then to stick with them until you finish. We think because we're good at switching from one task to the next that that makes us good at multitasking, NO. It actually makes us less creative. Studies have found that multitasking reduces your productivity by 40%....that means your brain is only operating at 60%. We're wasting intelligence.

So if you're convince that multitasking makes you super-productive than your super-wrong. It just means that you backtrack a lot because every time you switch tasks, you have to repeat a bit to find out where you last left off.

Multitasking lowers the quality of your work
When you multitask, your work suffers TERRIBLY!
A study done by the National Bureau of Economic Research discovered that multitasking reduces workers performance, makes project last longer, and creates that panic buildup because your to-do-list isn't getting done.

Peter Bregman wrote about his experience with multitasking in the Harvard Business Review. While sitting in on a conference call, Bregman decided to not waste time and email a client. He sent the email but realized that he forgot the attachment, he then sent another email apologizing and added the attachment to the email. He then had to send another email to the same person apologizing because the attachment he sent was wrong (he was doing too much). He proceeded to send the correct attachment. Now all while he was sending out emails and the wrong attachments, the conference call attendees were waiting on him to answer a question, specifically, the Chair of the Board.

I have realized, matter of fact we all should realize that we are not being productive trying to do more than one thing at a time, actually it's just the opposite. We are not operating at our full potential thus why the quality of our work is sub-par.

Regardless of what we are trying to accomplish, we need to be mindful that we can only achieve one assignment at a time successfully. When we give our all to one task at a time, it yields all of the hard work and effort that we gave it. So don't burn yourself out trying to do too many things at one time........you'll find yourself too tired and failing at them all.

Just Breath

Sometimes you just have to let your hair down and breathe.
This year has been an amazing year for me Girl Talk has been going really well, as well as Sonya Cooke the Mentor and my public speaking has picked up. I've taken Girl Talk into three IPS schools and I've completed two speaking engagements; I also registered to receive my associates degree in Human Services at Indiana Wesleyan University, which will assist me and add value to my coaching business. Talk about a busy schedule.......at times it has been a bit overwhelming but I am learning that you have to take a deep breath, let your hair down and enjoy the moment and all the accomplishments that you've been making.

As you know life can throw you all kinds of curve balls, but as long as you're prepared, optimistic and consistent in going after what you believe you deserved. Nothing can stop you or keep you from achieving your goals.
In spite of everything that's going on around the world and in our community you have to make sure that you don't let those situation and things get you down and allow you to lose focus from your dream.
Make sure you remain encouraged, stay positive and always speak life into all of your circumstances that surround you.  And remember there will always be things and situations that try to keep you from achieving your goal. Pay it no mind, keep your head held high, your shoulder back and a smile on your face that says to the world......I Got This!

Issues Affecting Teen Girls

There are 10 common issues that affect teen girls everyday lives, they are:

• Appearance
• Education
• Dating/Sex
• Self Esteem
• Peer Pressure
• Bullying
• Friendship
• Drug and Alcohol use
• Depression
• Menstruation

In today’s Blog I’ll address a few of these issues that I feel are taking center stage in the lives of our teen girls.

Young girls today are under immense pressure to be ALL THAT. To be the prettiest, to have all the boys liking them, to have the longest hair, the best body and getting the most likes on social media. Between social media, reality shows and images they see of models in magazines no wonder they have issues navigating through their teenage years. Listed above are 10 common issues that teen girls face, I will speak on a few of them that I deem super important.

Appearance has a huge impact on how teen girls look at themselves. They see their favorite pop artist or reality TV star and they want to look just like them. From the long hair (often times it’s weave or wigs), big butts, tight fitting clothes, too much makeup and don’t forget the fake eyelashes. They feel they have to look like them in order to be popular or be liked by boys. This plays a huge role in their

Self-Esteem which can be damaged trying to live up to this standard or it could help them explore and try different looks that will help shape their outer image. Now don’t get me wrong, wearing weave and makeup and wanting to look your best is absolutely fine, it’s when too much emphasis is put on this area and it affects other areas in her life negatively i.e unwanted attention by the opposite sex, focus taken off grades and her future as well as friends.

Dating/Sex is another common issue that young teens face. At this crucial stage in their life their hormones are raging and they are coming into their womanhood. Boys that once got on their nerves are now growing up to be somewhat attractive to them. They also look at their favorite teen celebrities like Kylie Jenner and Selena Gomez and see that they are dating and dating older men and they feel as if they can do it as well. At this stage in their lives parents like me would rather our teen girls concentrate on their education, building solid friendships and looking forward to their future; but Peer Pressure will have them emulating their friends and what they see on TV and in the magazines/tabloids. That’s why it is important that teens build solid healthy Friendships during this time, because peer pressure is so serious you want to make sure that your teen is hanging around girls that are respectful to their parent and themselves. Girls interested in getting good grades and participating in after school activities as well as activities outside of school to keep the busy and not focused on the wrong things.

Where dating gets scary for teens is that there is a rise in teen dating domestic violence which can lead to Depression, Drug and Alcohol abuse and teen pregnancy. Here are just a few important facts:

• Roughly 1.5 million high school boys and girls in the U.S. admit to being intentionally hit or physically harmed in the last year by someone they are romantically involved with (Dating Abuse Statistics." www.loveisrespect.org).
• 1 in 3 young people will be in an abusive or unhealthy relationship (Liz Claiborne Inc. and The Family Fund. “Teen Dating Abuse 2009 Key Topline Findings.” http://nomore.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/teen_dating_abuse).
• In the U.S., 25% of high school girls have been abused physically or sexually. Teen girls who are abused this way are 6 times more likely to become pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted infection (STI) (Decker M, Silverman J, Raj A. 2005. Dating Violence and Sexually Transmitted Disease/HIV Testing and Diagnosis Among Adolescent Females. Pediatrics. 116: 272-276).
• Teens who suffer dating abuse are subject to long-term consequences like alcoholism, eating disorders, promiscuity, thoughts of suicide, and violent behavior (USA.gov. "Teen Dating Violence." Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Accessed April 22, 2014)

These are all scary stats and facts that our teen girls are facing while trying to find their way through their teen years. In facing these issues our girls will need healthy relationships with other girls, with female family members and mentors that can guide them through as well as be there when advice is needed. We will need to be there not to judge their actions but to help them make good decisions that will affect the rest of their lives.

We have to let them know that they are beautiful without the superficial additives that society says is needed to be popular, successful and loved. That they are beautiful just the way God made them, that their outer beauty is nice but inner beauty, morals and character are just as important if not more. We have to teach them that they have to love themselves first, that they have to be a priority to themselves before they can be loved and respected by anyone else.

Lastly they need to know that the only opinion that matters is theirs because at the end of the day they have to look in the mirror and be happy with the person they see.

Sincerely, from a woman that suffered from most of these issues.

Can I Be Real

It all starts in the mind. Life and death are in the power of the tongue. Hard work and perseverance will garner success. Faith without works is dead.

We've all heard these sayings and mantras, and they're true when put in motion......but can I be real with you? IT'S HARD! But, it's so worth it. You have thoughts and ideas, dreams and passions and you want so much to be a success. Not for selfish reasons but for reasons that you want to see everyone whole and happy. Living life and enjoying it, challenges and bumps in the road but with prayer, faith and optimism, everything works out.

Your passion is what keeps you going, the love and support that surrounds you but yet somewhat pessimistic......or let's say a play it safe covering. But yet puts it in your hands in hopes of a smooth settlement in the future.

Everyone won't understand and it's not for them to. As long as the end game is beneficial for the home and the community, sit back and support and don't get in the way of progress. We all have something to contribute, no one has the monopoly on a strong community but us. You know who I'm talking about.......why can't we get it together, the potential is there so I don't know what the problem is. Why can't the shine be on the end result, forget who orchestrated it. We did it as a collective, we worked together for a common cause that would benefit us all. Isn't that all that matters?

I don't know.....I'm starting to wonder if we really want it.....or is it just lip service, does it look good to act like we care vs really caring. Is it that hard to work for a common cause that benefits us all? If so why? Does there need to be an appointed leader? We have a few worthy candidates on paper.....but is the heart right? That's what truly matters.

We are intelligent, charismatic, loving, jazzy, creative, inventive, knowledgeable and so many more positive attributes. I often wonder why you have to be apart of a click, organization, have 10 initials behind your name........it shouldn't matter. Change will come from the least expected, don't block the blessing.

We may not be intimately connected but we are connected by experience, understanding, passion and love of our people.

God, Mohammad or Budda will be the judge of our deeds......not man.

My honest words, written my way.

Sonya Cooke
Life Strategist and Mentor
sonyacookethementor.com

When You're Feeling Down

P.S.

I'm having one of those days

Giving Your All

Women are known to be nurturers and caregivers, so it's not surprising that at the end of a long day she is exhausted from tending to everyone but herself. As women, we focus so much on the happiness of those around us that we completely neglect our own.

As women we are taught, if not expected, to nurture and please everyone around us. We pour our energy into other people, focusing on their needs and wants while ignoring our own. Sometimes this feels good, often natural. Most of the time it's exhausting, but for many or most of us, it's a way of life.

In most societies women were raised to take care of the men in their family. Because men were the primary bread winner in the family, we were taught to make sure that the home was a safe-haven for them. We were taught to make sure that the home was clean and dinner was on the table when he returned home from a hard day's work. And that wasn't necessarily an unacceptable request, but as times change and women now are also equal breadwinners if not the primary one. Women are still in the same role with added responsibilities which keep them drained and on E at the end of the day.

With women now working outside the home, there is often no help with the responsibilities in the home. We are still the primary caregivers when it comes to our children although there are about 2 million fathers that stay at home per the Pew Research Centers. Mothers still bare the responsibility of making sure that the home is in order and organized.  We're making doctors appointments, calling about household repairs and making sure that everything runs smoothly for the kids and husband. We are not making sure that WE are running smoothly. Our health is neglected, we're not eating properly, we're not sleeping and due to our poor eating habits, we are out of shape. How are we functioning?

We're that best friend that will listen to your problems and offer solutions only to not get the same in return. We are in the church, our kids schools and making sure that hubby or the boss has all information needed for a successful presentation; all the while we are on empty. We're that chick that looks good on the outside, like we have it all together but is really falling to pieces on the inside. But this is what we're used to, making sure that all is well for everyone else. Deep inside you are drained, your body aches and your head is swirling because you have manage to make it about everyone else but you.

That stops NOW!

You can't pour from an empty cup. You have to take care of YOURSELF first.

It's time to take care of yourself so you can give the best of you to the ones you love. It's time to love on yourself; speak life, love, passion and success into you. It's time to take a mental health day just to think. Its time to draw a bubble bath, grab a book a glass of wine, put on some smooth jazz and woosa.

It's time to surround yourself with positive people that pour into your life without leaving you depleted. We have to make our love ones understand that we need to be taken care of and appreciated too. We need that downtime or day off every so often to catch our breaths and not get overwhelmed from the day to day responsibilities.

We have to take care and be responsible for US!

Are You What You Want In a Relationship?

Most of us want to be loved, protected, appreciated, taken care of and happy in a relationship. We want our potential mate to be in good financial standing, love his mother, take care of his children and have some kind of relationship with a higher power. We want him to be funny, generous, a gentleman and kind. We want him to be motivated, have good communication skills, be respectful and accept you for who you are. But ladies I have to ask.......are we bringing these same requests and qualities to the table? 

I've listened to countless women speak on what they want in a man; "he has to have this, that, and ABC and D". Prior to me being married I'm sure I've said the same things but if we're really honest with ourselves we'll have to admit that some of us are not ready or prepared to be in a healthy, long lasting relationship that should ultimately lead to marriage. 

Have we cleansed ourselves of the emotional baggage that lingers in our heart for a past lover? Are we financially stable to the point where we're not bringing unwanted debt to the relationship? Is your attitude prepared to compromise and not be about I but US? These are just some of the things that have to be looked at prior to entering a relationship. 

Why do we as women feel as if we are the only ones that are allowed to have standards.....we are the only ones that can have a list that we can check off once he meets the criteria? Before we even think about entering into a relationship that we want to eventually lead up to marriage, we need to have our own personal checklist. Below is a short list that I believe needs to be worked through before we can even think about joining together with a potential mate.

1. Past Hurts

There are so many issues that we need to work through regarding past hurts and pains that was inflicted on us in relationships long gone. Whether it was his fault or yours, we cannot bring that unhealthy baggage in the new relationship and expect it to grow and flourish into something beautiful. When we don't deal with these issues we oftentimes project those issues on or mate which in turn causes resentment and ultimately drives a wedge between you and him. Work through those issues and come into the new relationship with a fresh set of eyes and a clear heart ready to experience love and joy that a new relationship can bring.

2. Finances

I recall when my husband and I first got together I had a Jeep Cherokee, I loved that truck and thought it was everything. I needed to get some work done on it so my husband agreed to pay for it. Once the mechanic got to work on it he told my husband that the truck was garbage. We decided to scrap the truck and get me a new car, we get to the car lot and I had bad credit. At the time I didn't know that having NO credit was just as bad as having bad credit.  I say that to say make sure that you have your finances in order. If you want your potential mate to be in good financial standing, you should be as well. You can't start building together if you have to repair first, it's not fair to either of you.

3. Attitude

When you're single it's all about you. You don't have to think about anyone but yourself, when you're ready to go you go. When it's time to eat you only have to cook for one or pick something up. When you want to spend you don't have to ask anyone else if you can or not or if all the bills are taken care of. Know that it will be about US and not just YOU. You have to start to consider someone else's feelings, wants and needs going forward. 

4. Character

As a woman, you may have taken the time to create a list of characteristics that you want in a partner or significant other. In the same way, it is important that as a single person, you work hard to develop your character so that you are good match for the kind of person you desire. Reading books, taking personal development classes, setting personal goals and achieving them; all of these are things that grow your character as a person. For example, if you desire a partner that is honest, honesty is something that you also have to bring to the table. In the same way, if you desire a partner that has integrity, you too have to be a woman of your word and say what you mean and mean what you say. Character is who you are when no one else is watching and when entering a relationship it is the most important intangible thing that you bring. 

In closing, make sure you are the kind of woman that you would want in a man.