Untreated Trauma

How do we as a community help to heal the trauma that is affecting our community through violence? Does anyone ever think about the trauma a young mother has gone through, and if not addressed, passes on to her children? Add in poverty and the current crime and violence you see in the city is the end result.

Imagine a young single mother, let's say she has experienced sexual abuse in her life, she was not believed and told all her life that she was fast and never protected or loved. She wasn't given the attention she needed that would allow her to feel safe in her home or in her skin. She was never told how smart or beautiful she was in her years of puberty, experiencing strong emotional and hormonal changes, she sought the attention of anyone that would listen. 

Or let's say she witnessed domestic abuse in the home seeing her mother constantly abused and in pain at the hands of her father or her mother’s boyfriend. 

If not addressed these issues reverberate in her life as distrust, violence, promiscuity and or substance abuse. 

HER NEXT CHAPTER

She becomes a young mom because no one ever showed her or taught her about self-worth. No one ever told her that her body was precious and not to be shared with everyone. Her father wasn't around to show her what true love is, her experiences with the opposite sex has always been abusive in some form so that's her norm and that's what's she is unknowingly attracted to. She has her child young, she is inexperienced but excited because now she has someone that will unconditionally love her...no questions, no demands just love and dependence. Her patience is low because she is still a baby herself, she has no clue how to care for another human being let alone a baby because she was never shown love and care. The baby cries, she’s frustrated so she yells and screams. No one is there to show her the way.

As this unfortunate cycle of dysfunction, pain, lack of patience, love and understanding continues year after year. The result is oftentimes the out of control child we see in the schools, the disrespectful child that will cuss you out, get in your face, fight at the drop of a dime because they have not been shown how to properly control their emotions, how to handle conflict in a calm manner. The result is no one understanding what this child has gone through or been subjected to in the home all their life.

And because mom was a young mother, oftentimes the job/career opportunities are zero to none unless you want to work at a low wage job, struggle and become a part of the system that continues to suppress the poor. As a result, not only does she suffer, her children do as well…. again frustration kicks in. The house is in chaos! Mom is overwhelmed trying to take care of things, kids are going through their own emotional issues due to mom not being able to be present and as a result they are turning to the very thing that got mom in the position she’s in. It all seems so hopeless. This is the unfortunate cycle that a lot of our mothers are finding themselves in. Exhausted trying to make things happen, trying to feed and care for her children all while trying to keep them safe and out of the clutches of the streets…. not having the tools and failing miserably.

All this steams from trauma, some generational trauma that was never discussed nor treated. We have got to start having the hard, uncomfortable conversations in our homes, with our children with our parents and grandparents. There are things that happen in families that should never have been swept under the rug. The things that happened in the family that we were told not to talk about, and as a result you have a girl violated by her uncle or friend of the family now trying to raise her own. You have elders in the family stating “what goes on in my house stays in my house”; and the cycle continues

I concentrate on the female because we are the givers of life, the first human interaction a child has…. We are the nurturer. We raise our children, oftentimes alone with no help from the father, overwhelmed with trying to raise healthy well-balanced children, working to keep the home operating, attending school trying to better ourselves all while neglecting our own mental and physical health. She’s tired and exhausted, she’s needs her village. Her children recognize her pain, and in turn they are in pain and that pain and trauma is being played out in our streets daily through crime and violence.

Oh, and I haven’t even touched on the systemic racism that plays a huge role in this big picture. Lack of jobs and resources in a community, inhumane living conditions, food deserts, below par educational resources and politicians that could care less and work hard doing nothing. But I’ll leave that for another time.

Community, Village, Mentors and Family, WE HAVE GOT TO WORK TOGETHER TO HEAL US!